What Dead Poets Society could teach us about Boyhood and raising a boy.

The process of raising a boy into adulthood is complex, laden with expectations, pressures, and, often, a sense of struggle between the conformist forces of tradition and the liberating ideals of individuality. In this context, Dead Poets Society (1989), a film directed by Peter Weir and starring Robin Williams, offers a timeless exploration of the difficulties and triumphs of boyhood. Through the lens of an all-boys prep school, the movie grapples with questions of identity, societal expectations, and the profound impact of mentorship. For anyone seeking insight into raising a boy or understanding the challenges of boyhood, Dead Poets Society provides essential lessons on the importance of nurturing individuality, the perils of conformity, and the role of adult guidance in shaping the next generation of men.

At the core of Dead Poets Society is John Keating (played by Robin Williams), an unconventional English teacher who urges his students to "seize the day" and live life with passion and authenticity. His approach challenges the rigid and oppressive traditions of Welton Academy, a prestigious institution where discipline and academic excellence reign supreme. Keating’s unorthodox teaching style—one that encourages independent thinking and emotional exploration—serves as a foil to the suffocating environment the boys inhabit. Through this contrast, the film reveals much about the challenges boys face in reconciling their desires with the expectations placed upon them.

For those raising boys, one of the most valuable lessons of Dead Poets Society is the importance of allowing young men to explore their own identity, free from the constraints of social norms or the expectations of authority figures. Throughout the film, the boys struggle with balancing the intense pressure to succeed in their studies and meet their families' expectations with the urge to be true to their own desires and passions. The character of Neil Perry, a bright and ambitious student, is perhaps the most tragic example of this tension. His father's rigid aspirations for him to pursue a career in medicine stifles Neil’s dreams of becoming an actor, ultimately leading to tragic consequences. Neil’s story serves as a potent reminder of the potential dangers of overbearing parental expectations and the importance of allowing a boy to carve out his own path.

Keating’s teachings offer a counterpoint to this rigid structure. By encouraging the boys to "make their lives extraordinary," he advocates for a model of masculinity that is not defined by tradition or rigid success, but by passion, self-expression, and personal integrity. This is a powerful lesson for parents and mentors seeking to raise boys who are not just high achievers but also emotionally intelligent and confident in their own identities. In the context of Dead Poets Society, the message is clear: boys need space to explore their emotions, their creativity, and their own potential, without the weight of societal expectation defining their every move.

However, the film also reveals that the journey toward self-discovery is not without its struggles, particularly for boys who are faced with complex emotions and conflicting desires. In Dead Poets Society, many of the boys’ personal journeys are influenced by their relationships with their fathers, and the pressure to conform to their fathers' expectations shapes much of their internal conflict. For instance, Todd Anderson, the shy and introverted student played by Ethan Hawke, is pressured by his family to live up to the legacy of an older brother who was highly successful. This conflict between who they are expected to be and who they wish to become is a universal struggle for many boys, making Dead Poets Society a poignant exploration of the difficulties of forming an independent identity within the context of family expectations.

In raising a boy, it’s important to recognize the deep emotional needs that exist beneath the surface of external achievements. Much like Todd’s journey, boys may feel invisible or unheard, struggling to find their own voice in a world that often values success over emotional well-being. Keating’s mentorship of Todd, in particular, is a gentle reminder that a boy’s growth is not just academic but emotional and psychological. By encouraging Todd to embrace his own poetry and voice, Keating empowers him to see himself as more than just a reflection of others' expectations, fostering a deep sense of self-worth that many boys, even today, are denied.

The theme of mentorship is another crucial aspect of Dead Poets Society, highlighting the importance of positive adult role models in a boy’s development. In the film, Keating serves as a guide who helps the boys question authority and societal norms, while also encouraging them to think critically and embrace their emotions. In an era where boys are often expected to suppress their feelings or conform to traditional ideas of masculinity, Keating’s role as an empathetic, emotionally intelligent figure is groundbreaking. His ability to engage the boys on a personal level—whether through encouraging them to stand on their desks or inviting them to explore their emotions through poetry—teaches them the value of vulnerability, creativity, and intellectual freedom. For those raising boys, the takeaway is clear: mentorship, particularly from men who break away from conventional molds, can have a profound and lasting effect on a boy’s growth and self-understanding.

Ultimately, Dead Poets Society offers a compelling critique of the systems that attempt to define masculinity—whether through rigid schooling, parental pressure, or societal expectations—and encourages young men to seek their own path. It serves as a reminder that boyhood is not just about learning to succeed in the eyes of others but about developing the inner strength to be true to one’s self. Raising a boy, as seen through the lens of this film, requires a delicate balance: encouraging ambition while also nurturing emotional intelligence, fostering independence without ignoring the need for connection, and supporting self-expression while respecting the realities of the world he will one day navigate. In a world that often asks young men to suppress their emotions and conform to expectations, Dead Poets Society offers a more holistic, humane approach—a vision of masculinity that is defined not by domination, but by emotional depth, intellectual curiosity, and the courage to follow one’s own path.